Music to sooth the sole...

[Hedvan Arumdal]

"By the gods, play something else already, man!"

The bard pauses for a moment, taking a deep breath of air in his lungs. The resulting reply easily overwhelms the usual hubbub of evening-time conversation in the Buck Inn.

"Look, I got paid to play this all week, and may Teshalia curse me if I'll risk losing that money just because some sod can't appreciate quality music!

Now, ladies and germs, I give you the latest hit, ' Halfling girl!'"

The variation of the scene repeats in every tavern and inn within walking day's distance from Cear. It seems somebody has been spreading some serious coin to make the song popular.

((Edit: The Associated Bards' and Mimes' Association lawyers have informed us of potential copyright infringement. Credits to the original author are restored.

Please note that any further action demanding compensation will be met with blunt response from our Legal Enforcement team. ))

[Chevette]

When she finally catches the song on one of its umpteenth playthroughs on the streets of Cear, the tiny halfling woman's eyes first go wide, then they narrow. It really doesn't help that this particular bard happens to be a gnome. "WHAT!!!!!!" The shriek can be heard, no doubt, for miles.

"That's a disgusting, evil song, you horrible gnome! Stop playing that right now or else!"

"My good lady hin, I've been paid quite handsomely to propagate this particular canticle throughout the byways of this fair-- AGH! MY NOSE! YOU BROKE MY NOSE!"

"You're lucky I didn't break your fingers, you nasty stinky evil GNOME!"

The diminutive ling stalks off muttering something about finding that "gnomebutt" and making his broom into kindling.

[Atharin]

(( Vij files a lawsuit for copyright infringement. I will see you at court the temple of Etoth. ))

[Hedvan Arumdal]

(( Vij files a lawsuit for copyright infringement. I will see you at court the temple of Etoth. ))

((Can't stop the music! XD))

Much to the relief of all visitors, the monotonous repertoire has been enriched. Not by much, but it's an improvement:

From Willow's Eave to docks in Cear
A new warning spears through the air
So take a listen, and listen well
Before you meet the spawn of hell

Disguised, cleverly, as tasty hin
She's nothing like them; she's -really- mean
And if a breakfast she ever makes
It's puppies and fluffy kittens cakes!

She'll punch your groin, she'll break your nose
Stab you back and stomp your toes.
And what's the reason for this assault?
A cheery song with just some salt

Honoring all the lovely halflings
Who, unlike her, are so fantastic!
So once again, do take alarm
The Mling is here: she means you harm!

((That'll teach Tilly to mess with the press bards ))

[Kell]

((Yes yes, do keep up ^^))

[Chevette]

Although the meter seems less than professional, some of the local bards have been pressed into service reciting a short Public Service Announcement:

The he-gnome's a deeply disgusting creature
His giant feet are his proudest feature
Ere you envision endowment galore
It's really his nose that equals them more

See you the he-gnome's frog-like mouth moving?
The lies that he spews are what that is proving
His hands are the size of your grandmother's ears
Seeing him brings little children to tears

So if you encounter this gnome on the street
Flee for your lives, lest your children he eat
Board up your windows and lock up your door
Call in the guard and be rid of this boor

[Hedvan Arumdal]

An incensed gnome, his nose wrapped up in bloodied bandages, stands next to one of the human bards enumerating gnomish lacks. The man reciting the piece appears rather uncomfortable, though one cannot tell whether it is the gnome's presence or the surprising volume of the gnomish voice drowning out his colleague's piece:

What accusations are meant to be those:
My hands? My feet? My now-broken nose?
Perfect example of the Mling's action:
Break things, then lie, with satisfaction.

We may look ugly to some, it's true,
But not as ugly as that which grew
Deep in the Mling's flat, undeveloped chest
Turning her mind in evil thoughts' nest.

Do take moment, make up your mind:
Which is that you should more ugly find?
The body, with all its unpleasant features?
But it's so different to all mortal creatures.
What you think ugly, some may find swell;
Only Teshalia can really tell.

Or is it someone who is devoid
Of any kindness; One to avoid
Should you wish to remain intact!
Truly, with demons she signed a pact
Just to obscure her own ghastly self
From any human, dwarf, gnome or elf.

Beware the Mling, I say once more:
She's nothing but what we all deplore!

As the gathering around them grows, so does the laughter in reaction to the words.

Coins tinkle at both of their feet, and the man and the gnome suddenly look at each other with a shared entrepreneurial inspiration. Their performance becomes increasingly elaborate with each new showing, and a much sought-after entertainment for days to come.