Favorite quotes

[StormRunner]

The topic says it all.

When the injustice is great enough, justice will lend me the strength needed to correct it. None may stand against it. It will shatter every barrier, sunder any shield, tear through any enchantment, and lend its servant the power to pass sentence. Know this: there is nothing on all the Planes that can stay the hand of justice when it is brought against them. It may unmake armies. It may sunder the thrones of gods. Know that for all who betray justice, I am their fate. And fate carries an executioner's axe. -Vhailor

Women were the reason I became a monk - and, ah, the reason I switched back... - Morte

If my theory of relativity is proven successful, Germany will claim me as a German and France will declare that I am a citizen of the world. Should my theory prove untrue, France will say that I am a German and Germany will declare that I am a Jew. - Einstein

Moreover, I advise that Carthage should be destroyed. - Marcus Porcius Cato is said to have ended every speech held to the senate of Rome with this quote, regardless of the original topic.

[broncoblitz]

"You can't OWN property man."
"I can, but thats because I'm not some penniless hippy."

[Evelond Formos]

"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us."

~Bill Watterson

[Jay Four]

"Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome."
- Samuel Johnson

"The Church says that the Earth is flat, but I know that it is round. For I have seen the shadow on the moon and I have more faith in the Shadow than in the Church."
- Ferdinand Magellan

"In matters of conscience, the law of majority has no place."
- Mahatma Gandhi

"America wasn't founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damn well please."
- P.J. O'Rourke

"The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers."
- William Shakespeare, King Henry VI, Part II, (Act IV), Scene 2

"The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt."
- Bertrand Russell

"A charlatan makes obscure what is clear; a thinker makes clear what is obscure."
- Hugh Kingsmill

"Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by incompetence"
- Napoleon Bonaparte

"When you start off by telling those who disagree with you that they are not merely in error but in sin, how much of a dialogue do you expect ?"
- Thomas Sowell

""An educated mind is, as it were, composed of all the minds of preceding ages."
- Bernard Le Bovier Fontenelle

"Be the change you want to see in the world"
- Gandhi

"Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."
- Billy Madison, by Tim Herlihy & Adam Sandler

"ll right, but apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, a fresh water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?"
- Monty Python

"Socialism in general has a record of failure so blatant that only an intellectual could ignore or evade it."
- Thomas Sowell

"Sometimes only one person is missing, and the whole world feels depopulated."
- Alphonse de Lanartine

"Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag and begin slitting throats."
- H.L. Mencken

".. sometimes when you're not thinking, you just say things the way they really are."
- Nixon

[broncoblitz]

So these aren't so much favorite quotes, but phrases said by a couple of professors taken totally out of context that are totally awesome.

First off...

"If you're going to blow, make sure you swallow."

and..

"The deeper the penetration, the greater the excitation."

These two phrases lead to an infamous quote from a friend of mine...

"Everything I needed to know about sex I learned in Chemistry."

[JaeEleutheria]

One of my favorite quotes that my Latin professor said nearly every class after going over something about the lovely language.

"Questions? Comments? Wild screams of protest?"

[Peregrinus]

"War is hell, let's make the best of it." - General William T. Sherman

"It is well that war is so terrible -- lest we should grow too fond of it.." - General Robert E. Lee

"Nuts." - General Anthony C. McAuliffe

[Gobbylin]

You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours, and maybe afterwards we can kill a guy. - Chris Miller

If we take the generally accepted definition of bravery as a quality which knows no fear, I have never seen a brave man. All men are frightened. The more intelligent they are, the more they are frightened. - George S. Patton

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. - Abraham Lincoln

Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes. - Mahatma Gandhi

History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon. - Napoleon Bonaparte

A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic. - Joseph Stalin

Some things I never learned to like. I didn't like to kiss babies, though I didn't mind kissing their mothers. - Pierre Trudeau

The art of war is simple enough. Find out where your enemy is. Get at him as soon as you can. Strike him as hard as you can, and keep moving on. - Ulysses S. Grant

[muletang]

'I f'in hate pikeys' - Snatch

"...I do not entertain the possibility of an afterlife, or any deity capable of offering it. Given the world that he created, it would be an impiety against God to believe in him..." - John Banville - The Sea

[Vahene]

"Questions, comments, death threats?" -My old High School History Professor.

-K

[IronWaffle]

"So if we're all gods children... what's so special about Jesus?" - Jimmy Carr

"So you're just going to stop playing? Look, in world War 2, do you know who just stopped playing? The french. Are you french, Clyde?" - Cartman in the recent WoW episode

"We gotta get these snakes, off DIS MUTHA #$&^% PLANE!" - Samuel L. Jackson.

[StormRunner]

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and good will shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee. - Samuel L Jackson in Pulp Fiction

[Judas]

“Artists use lies to tell the truth, where as politicians use them to hide it”

[Peregrinus]

"And shepherds we shall be, for Thee my Lord for Thee, power hath acended from Thy hand, so our feet may swiftly carry out Thy command, and we shall send a river forth to Thee, and teeming with souls it shall ever be. In nominae Pater, et Fili, et Spiritum Sanctum, Amen." - The Boondock Saints.

[Vahene]

Bumper Stickers:

My honor student can beat up your honor student.

We are the people our parents warned us about.

Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill because they pissed me off.

Other:

I have a suggestion that I think would help fight serious crime. Signs. There are lots of signs for minor infractions: No Smoking, Stay Off the Grass, Keep Out, and they seem to work fairly well. I think we should also have signs for major crimes: Murder Strictly Prohibited, NO Raping People, Thank You for Not Kidnapping Anyone. It's certainly worth a try. I'm convinced Watergate would never have happened if there had just been a sign in the Oval Office that said, Malfeasance of Office Is Strictly Against the Law, or Thank You for Not Undermining the Constitution.
-George Carlin

The problem with those bumper stickers that warn against tailgating, is that I have to get really close to the person's car to read them.
-John Alejandro King

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction.
-Blaise Pascal